Listening and Hearing

She would ask why I am not a Christian (I was raised one) and I would answer. She didn't seem to understand my response so I would struggle to rephrase, simplify, use metaphors, redefine misconceptions, and compare my situation with her own as I learned about it. I went back to that time in my life and I would attempt to speak in the language of the Christian. Speaking in a way that I thought I might have understood when I was at that point in my life.

The dialog lasted for many months. As one would think of a new angle it would be raised anew. When passions rose to high it would settle. She would speak of the benefits of grace yet refuse to define it or elaborate on what exactly she meant when she said that word. She would research ideas I introduced and bring her work back to discuss the topic from an educated perspective. She would ask "How can you live thinking you are just a bunch of cells". Assuming that was my position and it was indefensible. Her question being in effect rhetorical, because she could not conceive of a lucid reply.

She would ask why I am not a Christian but not care about the answer. As I labored to build a bridge from her understanding to mine I wasn't aware that she didn't care. She did not care about where I am but only about moving me to where she thought I should be. I understand that Christians are supposed to minister to unbelievers. However, I feel that she abused my trust, that she had asked an honest question.

At the same time, a feeling of accomplishment, an epiphany. This is why the conversation only seems to move forward. This too is why I left Christianity.

I listened to her question but did not hear it.

Religion in General / Regards to Christianity

Religion is sought because we are part of this world. It continues to be useful in those who embrace it because even the religious are of the world. I am speaking against self righteousness.

The Bible - meaning book. This definition is heard and the implication is clear if not spelled out, this is the only necessary book. The Bible is sometimes wise and illuminating. When it seems vague and contradictory, the solution is a direct connection to the truth (a personal relationship with Jesus, in Christian terms). In other words one must seek and be receptive to complete the picture. Only seeking understanding from one book is purposefully limiting avenues of understanding. I am speaking against willful ignorance.

Religion at its best teaches love as expressed through understanding, empathy, forgiveness, and giving. Religion at its worst justifies hate in the forms of fear, intolerance, and violence. I am speaking against destructive hate.

Those who find wisdom outside of what the self righteous know are persecuted. I am speaking against idolizing the past.

It does not matter what it is supposed to be, it is effectively not what it claims. Religion finds itself perfect. I am speaking against this as well.

As for after Christianity. The best concept to take and build from is love, starting with one's self. Practically, to define what makes you happy and then pursue that happiness. Kind of like lifetime goals.