Listening and Hearing

She would ask why I am not a Christian (I was raised one) and I would answer. She didn't seem to understand my response so I would struggle to rephrase, simplify, use metaphors, redefine misconceptions, and compare my situation with her own as I learned about it. I went back to that time in my life and I would attempt to speak in the language of the Christian. Speaking in a way that I thought I might have understood when I was at that point in my life.

The dialog lasted for many months. As one would think of a new angle it would be raised anew. When passions rose to high it would settle. She would speak of the benefits of grace yet refuse to define it or elaborate on what exactly she meant when she said that word. She would research ideas I introduced and bring her work back to discuss the topic from an educated perspective. She would ask "How can you live thinking you are just a bunch of cells". Assuming that was my position and it was indefensible. Her question being in effect rhetorical, because she could not conceive of a lucid reply.

She would ask why I am not a Christian but not care about the answer. As I labored to build a bridge from her understanding to mine I wasn't aware that she didn't care. She did not care about where I am but only about moving me to where she thought I should be. I understand that Christians are supposed to minister to unbelievers. However, I feel that she abused my trust, that she had asked an honest question.

At the same time, a feeling of accomplishment, an epiphany. This is why the conversation only seems to move forward. This too is why I left Christianity.

I listened to her question but did not hear it.

Religion in General / Regards to Christianity

Religion is sought because we are part of this world. It continues to be useful in those who embrace it because even the religious are of the world. I am speaking against self righteousness.

The Bible - meaning book. This definition is heard and the implication is clear if not spelled out, this is the only necessary book. The Bible is sometimes wise and illuminating. When it seems vague and contradictory, the solution is a direct connection to the truth (a personal relationship with Jesus, in Christian terms). In other words one must seek and be receptive to complete the picture. Only seeking understanding from one book is purposefully limiting avenues of understanding. I am speaking against willful ignorance.

Religion at its best teaches love as expressed through understanding, empathy, forgiveness, and giving. Religion at its worst justifies hate in the forms of fear, intolerance, and violence. I am speaking against destructive hate.

Those who find wisdom outside of what the self righteous know are persecuted. I am speaking against idolizing the past.

It does not matter what it is supposed to be, it is effectively not what it claims. Religion finds itself perfect. I am speaking against this as well.

As for after Christianity. The best concept to take and build from is love, starting with one's self. Practically, to define what makes you happy and then pursue that happiness. Kind of like lifetime goals.

Sufism

When bored at work I have taken to reading The Mystics of Islam by Reynold A. Nicholson. The concepts and the prose presented by the Sufis are a constant wonderful maze. About half way through now and my religious vocabulary has expanded to include: monist, theosophy, and pantheism.

One of my favorite lines:
"I went from God to God, until they cried from me in me, 'O Thou I!'"

This too will pass

-- GZY

Pool on the Mists

A large wooden deck segmented into compartments by partial wooden walls. Even the boards making the walls have small half inch gaps between boards. The whole place is constructed to let the wind flow freely through it while people relax or eat at the picnic tables that fill most of the areas. The community fills most of these areas and the air is filled with the relaxed chatter of friends. Lunch is just getting under way and the dishes brought by the families are still being uncovered and displayed for all to sample. Despite the relaxed atmosphere I detect a surrealism to the atmosphere. The women wear spring colored summer dresses and posses an unnerving amount of cheer and energy in all they do.

There is a mystery here which I endeavor to solve. Walking around the terrace I notice that we are situated well above the ground, the terrace being almost two hundred meters into the sky. From an open compartment that is otherwise deserted I spy over the railing. The first discernible thing is a swimming pool. It seems to almost to float on the mists that envelope this place. This elevated pool climbs up to about 50 meters below the terrace. The pool is circle shaped and of a size one would expect to see constructed in someone's backyard. Despite the pool being filled with water it is also occupied by a four door car of a black or dark brown color. The car drives in circles in the pool like a shark awaiting someone foolish enough to enter so that it can feed.

While I continue to look for clues that would explain this strange feeling towards the gathering on the terrace I am confronted by the patriarch's wife. She directs me towards a normal knot hole in one of the partitions and divulges that it reveals a great secret. Intrigued by this tale I look through the knot hole and see only the empty compartment from which I previously viewed the pool and car. Examining the room from my vantage point I notice another knot hole in the opposing wall. This second knot hole is located nearer the ground on the second wall. Spying thus my eyes are directed past the first elevated pool to a second pool about 50 meters below the first I noticed. This second free standing pool intrigues and I endeavor to journey there at once. Descending from the picnic location I gain an appreciation for the support structures in this multi-tiered world. The terrace from which I now descend via vertical wooden ladder is supported by a large hill or rock. Its sides are very sheer and only an experienced climber could utilize the nooks and crannies to gain the summit. The top must have been very flat or engineered thus to so easily support the deck I leave. Even thought the height gained by the picnic dwellers is natural in origin the elevation of the two pools is quite artificial. Criss-crossed metal beams make a narrow porous tower to support the two objects of my current investigation.

Upon reaching the bottom of my climb the mists that previously hid the ground now cover the sky like a translucent curtain swirling in the light breeze. My view of the ground thus unimpeded I am confronted with a vast vista of pools of all shapes and sizes. Some flowing into others and some solitarily standing stagnant. The segmented cement sidewalks and cleanliness of all the water very much suggests an artificial environment. I continue on foot past the first taller pool towards the second pool which is only elevated 100 meter high. Traversing the area I take short cuts through several pools of water. Climbing out of one such pool I find two of my younger cousins before me. They greet me and ask my destination. Telling them of the certain highly elevated pool I speak of the great mystery that I am certain resides there. Delighted by the idea they dash ahead and begin climbing the ladder of that pool. Somewhat troubled by the fact that they will reach the destination first I begin the ascent behind them. Despite them being there first the discovery will be mine for it was my idea to explore the area. Reassuring myself thus I am greeted by an older cousin standing just beside the ladder and steel skeleton I have just begun climbing. Telling her of my goal she expresses her desire to join me. I gladly accept her company for at least she will not arrive before me.

Climbing I ponder that this is quite a different type of vertical ladder. This one is made of steel or a similar metal covered in white paint. The rungs upon which I trust my fate are narrower than the previous wooden ladder and they are covered in a rubber layer for traction.

. . .

I have joined the ESPN swim team that swims in this great pool. The pool is vast and contains various different equipment for training. I am distracted from focusing on the work out before me by the fact that almost all the faces on this team seem greatly familiar.

Since there are so many faces that vaguely tug at my memories I can not greet them all as the people they resemble. I do not even try to remember the names that they resemble because of this fact. The situation greatly unnerves me and I await one to greet me in familiarity. As the work out progresses no such event transpires and I begin to suspect that I am among strangers.

Wondering about the place after the practice I find what resemble the opening to a valley. The entrance is blocked by a two meter high plastic wall. A girl I recognize as Sharky's older sister sits on a tall chair in her swim suit looking out over what the wall blocks. Calling to her I greet her when she turns around. Trying to feel out an opinion of my situation I make a general inquiry about the ESPN swim team. She acknowledges her awareness of the subject offering no other details. I question her on any of mutual acquantices being involved in it. She informs me that only one person that we both know is that team. Relieved for the individual she states was never more that peripherally at my awareness. Thus I feel no embarrassment and forgetting him. She then goes on to relate the swim team is a very temporary affair to assist those with less ability in swimming. Taking offense at this because of my participation I relate that it is all who wish to refine or learn knew techniques. She declines to argue the point.

. . .

I pass through the guarded gate and walk along a cobbled stone path with sloping rocky hills on either side. The only sign of life for some time being bits of grass or weed surviving in the rocky hills on either side of my path. Soon however I come upon a small group of people gathered around an animal handler. Perhaps the handler was decked out in khakis. Exhibiting a green and black garden snake to his onlookers the snake curled along his arms over his neck. He related how one did not have to worry about venom from this snake. Since it had bitten him a couple of times this morning it must have had its venom removed. The exhibition ends and the snake is passed on to me.

Having gained the snake I return to meander around the pool in search of some food. The snake drapes across the back of my neck curled slightly around each arm as I search. Lunch time has been over for a while so most of the food has already has been packed up. Stopping at a picnic table where some cookies have been left out to snack upon I sit and snack. Remembering the snake I take a blueberry muffin from the table top and set it upon the ground. The snake slithers off of my arms and proceeds to eat the muffin. It begins by spitting some type of liquid upon the muffin which predigests the food. While the muffin part is actively decomposing it quickly devours said part. I return to my cookies while the snake works on it's muffin.

I am quite proud of my snake and discuss it with the few people seated around the picnic table. When it slithers partly up my arm it decides to leave it's tail in loose tangle dangling in the air. I put each of the fingers of my opposing hand into a different hole in the loose tangle. The snake not liking this arrangement dissolves it's tail into a thick black ooze which clumps together over my fingers. Once all the ooze has accumulated into a straight line it reforms into the snake's original tail. This leaves me quite proud of my miraculous snake.

Greatly pleased by the snake I decide it is time for him to rest. I return to the rocky area past the gate where I claimed it. Traveling there I notice a piece of newspaper on the ground which I pick up for the snake's bed. The snake understanding my purpose slithers off my arms onto the horizontally held sheet of newspaper. Seeing an oven in this outdoor environment I set the snake at the foot of the oven. For snakes are cold blooded and need to absorb heat to gain energy. Watching over the snake for a minute it seems to be asleep. Satisfied I let my guard down and enter into a half sleep.

My eyes become heavy with the sandman's sand and my limbs become greatly lethargic as if also weighted down. Sleep it seems is determined to claim me. In this half state I notice that the snake has slithered off from where I left it. I search very ineffiently in this zombie like trance. Spying a rod laying on the ground I ponder whether the snake has morphed into this rod. I drop this idea when I notice another rod laying several feet away on the ground. Even if the snake transformed thus I could never be sure which rod he was. Since the possibility leads to ambiguity I let the idea go. Stumbling about along the cobbled path cut surrounded on either sides by sloping rocky hills I come upon an area cut into the hill. Where the hill has been cut into an open square, out of the rock walls a meter high sill juts. Upon one end of this sill I see a sleeping girl dressed in a uniform laying directly on the rock. On this rocky sill cut from the surround rocky hills weeds still grow. Catching my attention at the opposite end of the sill I recognize a weed known by me to have very powerful side affects. Concerned that the girl ate some of this powerful drug before sleeping I call up to her. After shouting at her a couple times I am able to rouse her from slumber. I inform her both of the powerful side affects of ingesting said weed and of the search I am currently engaged upon to locate my snake.

Even with assistance the search yields no fruit. I pull with great strength of will at my tired limbs and try to force my eyes to focus on the surroundings. All my efforts are for naught for I am half awake.

Mathematics

I was once asked what if mathematics was wrong. I derided the question as not understanding the nature of math. Finally now I am forced to concede a maybe. Perhaps someday someone will understand the ramifications.

Arguing

I hope I'm not being interpreted as kicking Ryvar in the head, because I found a lot of what he's said here very useful seed for thought; if I've challenged him, it's only because he's someone that I think something of, otherwise I really wouldn't have engaged him.
-- taz